tisserande

Since I'm terrible at updating this journal, it's been over a year since my last entry. Whoops. Probably about time to update this, then.

I'm finishing up high school this spring, and am moving back to the States for college where I'm aiming to pursue a Studio Art undergraduate degree. I just finished taking my IB exams last week, and I'm now facing one last month of being with the people and the city I love here in Sweden before going on an adventure overseas.

At the moment I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed at actually pursuing Art as a career, and part of me is definitely doubting whether I can manage it. But I feel like I'm going the direction I'm supposed to be going, and all I have to do is follow the path set out for me. Now that high school is over, I really need to focus on being disciplined in putting my art out there and making steady updates.

It's my craft, after all, and I need to give it the attention it deserves!

I tend to update more frequently on Tumblr, at sketchdumplings.tumblr.com. Follow me there if you like!

Saw my old journal entry and realized how inaccurate it felt now, so even though I doubt anyone really pays attention to what I write here, I'll update you on my state of mind.

This Christmas break is drawing to a close, and my two goals I had going in are finally taking some shape. The one, finding a research question for my Extended Essay in school. The other, looking at potential colleges that offer Illustration as a major. Turns out there are only four in the state of California, which means I'm going to have to broaden my horizons a bit more.

Looking to my future the way I have this past week has made me both frightfully excited and terrified. I'm longing to finally get to work within the field of my passion, and really "hone my craft" as my brother puts it, to finally learn everything from the foundation up about color theory and composition, and to really explore who I am as an artist. Along with that comes, of course, the flip-side, which is sheer terror of not making it, of not amounting to anything in the end. But who am I to worry about what the future holds? What will happen, will happen.

I got out of that rut I was in before, and now I'm feeling, if not fully inspired, inspired enough to look ahead and find new projects. The dwarves kind of happened on a whim, though I had been thinking about drawing them for quite a while after the dwarves were first introduced to the public. It feels good to have accomplished that, and I'm looking forward to doing more in the future!

I am so frustrated with myself.

For the longest time now it feels as though I can't just sit down and draw anymore. It's like every time I try it just doesn't work. I haven't had a project to work on in a long time.

I think I'm afraid. Afraid of failing, of not meeting the idea in my head. Of wasting time and energy on something that won't look good anyway.

I need to snap out of it, but I don't know how.

My uploads will be pretty sporadic since I'm taking Visual Arts in school and need to focus on my projects. Of course, they were always sporadic, so maybe it doesn't matter too much.

I am really terrible at keeping these things up and running, in case you hadn't noticed, but I'll do my best to update fairly regularly as I finish projects.

If you're curious, you can follow my art blog on Tumblr:
sketchdumplings.tumblr.com. I post WIPs and sketches and studies there. Try to keep this a bit cleaner.

/Laura.